October 23, 2021


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This morning, Chinese customs officers discovered 7221 penises of African descent contained in a refrigerated freight crate, making it the largest seizure of human organs in history.

Chinese officers discovered the organs in 36 boxes labeled as plantains (cooking bananas) inside a refrigerated container on a ship docked in Shanghai Port after receiving intelligence from an unknown source.

According to Li Wu, a spokesperson for China’s General Administration of Customs, a growing number of militant groups in Africa use organ trafficking to fund themselves, making such seizures predictable.

“These organs are common commodities now, but they were certainly harvested in unsanitary conditions or contaminated at some point, so we can’t let them out on the Chinese market.”

Mr. Li claims that the organs were sent from Lagos, Nigeria, but that they may have only transited through Nigeria and may have originated somewhere in Africa.

“We know that penises from Lybia and Sudan fetch a higher price than those from other African war zones, but can’t presume of their origin before the end of the investigation.”

The Chinese General Administration of Customs says similar seizures may become more common over the next few years as armed groups in Africa turn to organ trafficking to finance their military operations.

Since 2002, nine cases of human penises have been confiscated, but today’s discovery is more than four times the number seized by customs officers over the previous 18 years.

He said that “specimens of this size” normally fetched about $160,000 each on the black market, and the organ’s overall worth was more than $1.15 billion, comparing its value to illicit drugs.

The ship’s crew, which includes four Nigerians, two Malians, and two Cameronese, has been arrested for questioning, but no charges have been brought yet.


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